Searching for ‘Peniel’

Well, it has been quite some time… my computer crashed on me so I was in the process of getting it fixed and just taking a break from having it.  It was quite nice… but hasn’t allowed me to write out my thoughts or blog. 

As far as adventures and excitement… there hasn’t been too much going on.  My life has become very simple here in la Plata.  I spend time studying Spanish, visiting with friends, meeting new people and learning more and more about this culture.  Spanish is hard!  I have been here for over a month and there are days when I feel like I can’t speak a word of Spanish.  I hear it’s a process and it will come… so im still waiting for it to come!  It’s safe to say the past few weeks have been quite difficult; there hasn’t been much sun, (we had 12 days in a row of no sun). For some this might not be a big deal, but coming from Colorado, then from the beach of Nicaragua… No sun has really affected me!  No sun, culture shock, and the Lord has really been working in my heart… when I say working I mean completely reshaping!

The Argentine culture really is beautiful, but I will be completely honest… it can be quite frustrating.  I have heard the term yanki more than I can count and have heard the most ridiculous arguments about how awful the United States is.  I understand as a citizen of the U.S and of the world that we as a nation have done awful, horrific things… I really do know that.  I have to accept those things, even though I wasn’t directly involved in those tragedies.  I am a citizen of the U.S and because of our history, I am put inside this bubble of awful people.  It is the same things with Christianity and the tragedies that have occurred in History.  I wasn’t a part of those, but I am a follower of Jesus… and those have tainted the name of Jesus and His people. 

It was strange to see the way that culture shock blindsided me here in Argentina.  Previously when I have traveled it has been to very poor countries so I expected to worst and prepared myself for no electricity or no indoor plumbing, etc.  But here, I have all the luxuries for living… running water, electricity, internet, food, restaurants, beer, coffee, ice cream… I don’t really have to go without anything.  I can even go watch a movie in 3D in English!  But it was something else that rocked my world… the mentality of Argentines.  I will not try to tell you how it is, because I don’t even know yet and refuse to speak ill of something I cannot fully explain.  I am still learning and trying to figure it out… 

However, I can speak of their distaste for the United States.  Everyone has a comment about the States, the war in Iraq, what terrible things we have done throughout the world, and how we live in an overabundance.  They use the word Yanki down here to talk about people or the idea of the United States… “That is so Yanki.”  Or  “youre so Yanki.”  The other day i walked into the humanities builiding of the University here in La Plata and there was a sign that said “Yanki’s, afuera Latinoamerica!” Translated -  “Yankees get out of Latin America,” with a giant skeleton face of Uncle Sam.  This intrigued me, but also made me somewhat cringe…  There is so much truth to these statements, but it seems there is a blanket of dislike for U.S culture, but people aren’t quite sure why.  They know very little, but hate so much.  I was recently talking about this issue with my friend Fede who is from Argentina and is now living in the States.  He agreed with the frustration, but also said that it is very similar to the way we treat Mexicans in our Country.  We have an idea about them and stick with it and very few people take the time to try and understand their culture… they simply don’t like them.  They say the same things their parents said about them… or use,  “they are just taking our jobs” (which is B.S, by the way), or other things that are used as an argument, but hold no water.  I am experiencing and learning the reality of the way that people view us from the United States and it’s giving me a perspective of the other side.  I wasn’t expecting to be affected by this so much, but is slapped me across the face.

The combination of culture shock, no sun, not being able to communicate thoroughly, and missing my family and friends has brought be to a very interesting place spiritually.  When I began this trip, I said that I wanted to use it as a time to find direction for my life and experience the Lord in a new and profound way.  Be careful what you pray for!  The Lord is doing just that; for the past few weeks He has been shining a light in those dark corners of my heart… the ones I have been trying to hide, to cover up, and forget about.  There has been physical pressure on my heart… but I wouldn’t give in without a fight.  It is as though I have been wrestling with God for the past couple weeks… I couldn’t seem to let go!  I was and still am somewhat having a hard time trusting the Lord with these areas of my life.  These are the most vulnerable and tender spots in my heart… do I really trust that He will provide what I need?  I hate to say it, but I’m not sure I do at the moment.  I am working toward that and still in a wrestling match, I feel somewhat like Jacob wrestling with God… and refusing to let go until I know for sure that He is going to bless me.  I refuse to let go until I know that he will take care of me, that He will hold my heart and provide it with exactly I need. 

“Then the man said, ‘Let me go, for it is daybreak.’ But Jacob replied, ‘ I will not let you go unless you bless me.’  The man asked him, ‘what is your name?’ ‘Jacob,’ he answered.  Then the man said, ‘Your name will no longer be jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with men and have overcome.’… So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying ‘It is because I saw God face to face, and yet my life was spared.’

                                Genesis 32

Despite this struggle and stubbornness on my part to not let go… I know that the Lord is so near to me!  I know he is working, I can feel his presence everyday… it is an uncomfortable presence involving a lot of pressure, but he is here!  I feel like a lump of dried clay that is being broken in order to be reformed, or a pile of bones that didn’t heal correctly, and must be broken in order to be made right… a painful process.  The lord is breaking me…

‘Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice.’

                                            Psalms 51:8

There is a time for everything under the sun… there is a time for the Lord to break us in order to make us right before him.  There is a time to submit and listen.  Right now the Lord has me in La Plata, Argentina… and is working on my heart.  He is using this place to meet with me in a mighty way.  I daily ask myself what I am doing here, but it is obvious.  The Lord has stripped away my comforts and I am forced to dig deep and sit in the filth.

Sorry this one is so long, but it has been a while and I needed to update and inform what has been going on.  I will write more now that my computer is up and running. 

Lots of love from the South!