Its hard to
believe that it has been 7 years since my mom has passed. It’s strange to think about… there are times when it feels like ages, and
other times when it seems just like yesterday we were together.
I spent the
day yesterday thinking about the incredible woman that my mother was… I thought
about her beautiful smile that could lite up a room when she entered it. I thought about her crazy hair and her ugly
baseball hat that she always wore when working in the yard. I thought about her love for yard work and
mowing the lawn. I thought about the
love she had for Scott, and how special she made him feel. I thought about her famous burritos and her
contagious laugh! I thought about her
ridiculous stories she told Lindsey and I when we were growing up. I thought about her early mornings with Christian
music playing in the background. I
thought about everything she gave up so that Lindsey and I could have what we
needed…
I spent the
day doing things we used to do together… I started with a nice walk, then went
to Mcdonalds and got a McFlurry and fries.
I then went to a matinée movie and of course had popcorn and a diet
coke. During these activities I was
swept away by the sweet memories of old.
I began to reminisce about the times that we had together… and was
comforted by those memories of simple things.
My mom loved to take walks… it was what she did whenever she had free
time; I think it helped her think, allowed her time with the Lord, gave her exercise
and the chance to just get out into our community. Often times I would join her during these
walks… I think some of our most precious moments were had during these times. We would discuss life, its beauty as well as
its hardships. She would tell me stories
of old… when she and my dad were married and the things they would do… or their
experiences in Germany. She would ask me
about life and always took moments to pass wisdom my way. She taught me how to be a gentleman and
would tell me time and time again, about how to treat women… and that when I started
dating a girl I better do these things!
She would force me to open the door for her, ‘that is what gentleman do,’
she would say and would stand and wait for me to open the door for her!
Once my
sister moved out for college… it was just my mom and i. This meant we did pretty much everything
together… shopping, cleaning, yardwork, etc.
We spent hours in the grocery store, especially Sams Club. We would always find some way to make it
interesting… getting as many samples as we could, and always ending it with a
slice of pizza, a churro, or Haribo gummy baers and of course a diet coke. All this time spent with one another gave us
a lot of time to just be. We talked
about how crappy it was to have divorced parents… and the difficulties that
went along with that. She apologized,
but also helped me see that life happens and we have to learn how to move on,
despite the circumstances. Looking back I
can see all the wisdom she was pouring into my life over the years… honestly I was
quite blind to it at the time, hindsight is always 20-20 right? As I meditate on her life and the years I was
blessed to have with her, I can now see she taught me how to live, how to work
hard, how to love with such a big heart, and how serve the Lord… and in doing
so, she rarely used her words. She let
her life speak.
My mother
was a strong woman… she was a survivor… more than that she was a humble servant
willing to put her life on the line for anyone.
As I look back and think about the woman my mother was… SELFLESS is the
word that comes to mind. When she
married my dad, they were both in college.
After getting married she quit school so she could work and he could
finish his degree. She gave up her
opportunity at a degree in order that He could finish his. After they got divorced she needed something
that would pay the bills… so she went to dental assisting school. I’m not sure it was her passion… but she made
it work. She did what she had to do in
order to make ends meet and take care of us.
Again, she put her own desires down for my sister and i. One thing after the other… Her life was a
continual sacrifice. I can only recall
one thing she did for herself, and that was a mission trip to Trinidad and Tobago
(to go serve people).
Something I have
been thinking a lot about the past few months is my mother’s faith and trust in
the Lord. I can’t recall exactly why she
told me this, but she said after we had moved to Colorado and her and my dad
had separated… she didn’t know what to do.
She simply cried out to the Father…
‘Lord, my kids don’t have a father here and they desperately
need one. Take them father… they are
yours. I am trusting you with their lives
and that you will provide for them… I am trusting that you will be their
Father.’
She simply
opened her hands and offered us to Him.
I am confident that it was her obedience in this moment that has kept me
from going off the deep end. There have
been many times when I wanted to throw my faith out the window and go crazy… to
do as the prodigal son did. But there
has always been something holding me back… keeping me from this. It’s as though the lord has me in His hands…
just holding me. I am eternally grateful
for her obedience; letting loose her grip and allowing Him to place us in His
hands.
As I sit and
dwell on the memories of her precious life, one story in particular is coming
to mind. When I was in 8th
grade I was sitting in science class which had a wall of windows looking
towards the street, I saw a woman walking.
It was extremely windy on this particular day and this woman was wearing
a giant sun hat that you would see on someone working in a garden. As I continue watch this woman I started to
laugh harder and harder because the wind was blowing her hat just about off of
her head. Instead of removing the hat,
she walked with one hand on the top of her head holding onto the hat for dear
life as the brim of the hat was being blown straight up. Just as I was about the poke the person
sitting next to me so they could also enjoy this ridiculous sight, I realized
that woman… was my mom! I quickly stopped,
put my head down and tried to draw as little attention to her as I could. Haha, middle schoolers…
Thanks mom
for everything, I love you so much! I
miss you more than words can express, but feel overwhelmed with gratitude for
the years we had together! Thank you for
not wasting your life, but living a life of love and sacrifice. Thank you for your patience and for those
wooden spoons! Thanks for those words of
wisdom, but most of all showing me how to love and always pointing to the father
and his goodness, even when the world was falling apart. What a blessing you were to everyone around
you… and how blessed I am to have had you as a mother.
You are
deeply missed by many… but know how much our lives were changed and enriched by
just knowing you. ‘may heaven enjoy this angel’s smile!’
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